We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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