I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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