Barsexuality is the new black.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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