New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
