Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize