I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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