I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
