I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
how drunk are you?
Several
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
