then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
