AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ketchup is God's man juice
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
