they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
