you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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