benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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