I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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