My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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