Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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