Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
COCAINE IS GR8
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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