Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
