Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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