I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
