I want to walk on stilts...naked
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
