I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
