I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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