Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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