if you like me you must not know who I am
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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