I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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