I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
