I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
