Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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