Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
