when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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