I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
