Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
