I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
