My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
