I need to stop coming to work sober
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
