Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
