Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
