I wish my penis had an off switch
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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