Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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