when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
