last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and she was petting her beer can
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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