party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
