You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
