Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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