My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
