I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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