I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
did you just send me my own nude
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
