I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
