dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
