So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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