There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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