he told me I talked like a deaf person
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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