I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
