Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
