I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
