your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I had to cum in my sink.
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