so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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