I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
