Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
