Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
