i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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